The Internet, as defined by Google Images results for "Internet"

1.



The Internet is a means of communication between Earth and an indeterminate extraterrestrial party. It necessitates the installation of an RJ-11 connector that is approximately 2,000 miles wide and plugs into Brazil because aliens either a) do not care about Brazil or b) really like Brazil a lot but tragically did not consider the ramifications of smushing an enormous telephone cord flush into it. There needs to be a lot of slack in the cable, since the Earth's rotation will eventually cause it to wrap around the planet.

The message delivered to Earth via the cable would likely be, "sorry our enormous cable wrapped around your planet, displacing metric kilotons of water and flooded coastal cities worldwide. We just wanted to ask you guys how you did the wireless communication thing. Are the radio waves, like, actual things you could trap in a jar if you wanted to, or what? Anyways the cord is about to snap so if you could just--"

2.




After a long day of completing precisely one rotation, the Earth likes to wind down by accessing the Internet. Laptops have built-in touchpads, so the mouse is unnecessary. That way, the Earth can wear it as a hat!

3.


THE INTERNET IS FULL OF LASER BEAMS OF LIMITLESS POSSIBILITIES except for some of the possibilities, which have to plug into your keyboard but OTHER THAN THAT LIMITLESS POSSIBILITIES WHOOOOOOOOSH oh and don't move or else the lasers will cut your head off INFORRRRRRRMATIONNNNNNNNNNN 0101010111011001010000

4.




God bless the Internet, which allows the peoples of the Americas, Asia, Europe, Africa, and Oceania to communicate with one another in real time! Build your own Internet, smattering of other continents that are probably on the other side of the globe. No free rides!

5.


The structure of the entire planet has been dramatically and irreparably altered by the decision to install a massive Ethernet port that consumes over 20 million square miles and has effectively wiped Europe and most of Africa off the map. In the cruelest of ironies, the planet also has a male Ethernet cable sticking out of it, which suggests that the planet's purpose is nothing of more importance than an extension unit. That's really depressing; on the other hand, it turns out that Ethernet ports look like little faces! Roarrrrrr!!! Haha!